[FROM A LIFETIME OF RUNNING TO INNER UNION

I spent years running, searching and hiding, giving my power away through stories that didn't serve me. My childhood story was that of complete emotional overwhelm, abandonment, substance abuse, a wildly chaotic family life. I dissociated young and trusted no one.

And the main story I held was that no matter what I did, I was going to be alone. I don't mean just physically, but that no matter what I did, no one would ever come to comfort or save me, it was desperate, deeply isolating. It was like I was completely separate from life and had to prove myself. 

My whole life became a reflection of trying to get that profound unmet need, met. 

All the while, I was incredibly intuitive, psychic and I could see beyond that which was being presented to me. I had a profound connection to the unseen and my life felt cosmic and karmic. I tried everything to make sense of this 3D reality, so I bought into the illusion, that I had to earn love...

I denied my intuition, I suppressed my own unique and brilliant way of seeing the world, while trying to contort myself to fit into the matrix, so I didn't have to feel so alone, all the while losing my vitality and the spark that made me unique.

I studied International Finance; world religions, anthropology, learned 3 languages in 5 years, I graduated with honours from an Elite University; burnt out then made pilgrimages to places the world over. This vastly expanded my spiritual perspective and made me question everything; mostly the Western notion of what it means to be truly free, and how we can know the truth of who we are; beyond our illusion, beyond our cultural conditioning, and beyond the lie  that we are separate from one another.

This was the core wound that all humanity faces- and I came here to grapple with it on every level of my own experience. 

Something within me knew I couldn't live in the light, until I fully faced the dark. I got myself into crazy situations and turned a blind eye because my unmet need was so strong.

I spent years trying to prove myself (mostly to myself) in a career that never felt fully aligned to a narcissistic abusive partner that broke me down completely..... I finally decided it was enough, and that I had to rebuild my life through working as an exotic dancer- I said fuck this, I so desired to express myself wildly, to own my sensual self, and to make a lot of money and resource myself to figure out who the hell I actually was, and what the hell I actually wanted, for me... in the process. 

I would not trade my experience in the club for the world. 

I had a craving, to truly know, dance with and witness the dark,  to understand the root of what life is actually about, who I was and to weave myself into direct contact with the pulse of life herself. 

I became a student of the shadows, I studied to become a Social Worker and encountered stories of violence, addiction, pain that would break your heart; all the while coexing with hope, recovery of spirit, community, laughter and joy - I met it all. I reclaimed my contact with my own intuition, with life as our ultimate teacher.... 

I began to know the core of who I was, beyond the shadows and got vulnerable with who I was, rather than performative. 

We are here to bring the shadows, our unmet needs, and our deepest wounds into contact with a field that can hold them. Through honest contact, we can feel the truth of life as our guide and we, as emanations of this life itself. 

We are here to shine our service into the world and abolish any notions of who we think we need to be in order to be loved, to shift the paradigm and live in the resonant field; where discernment meets compassion and we can be the bridge between the seen and unseen.

And in that contact; when we can weave our inner life with the reality of the field that is holding us...

We emanate. 

When you meet the truth, there is nothing to hide from anymore, nothing to judge and everything to be with.